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1. Ask for nothing and you’re sure to get just that, with everything you don’t need thrown in just because.
2. Never trust a leader who says “I am (insert your country here)!”. History has taught us this. But when you do hear the up-and-coming tyrant’s rant, start your new life in exile, and wait for the revolution I have prepared you for.
3. You will regret the things you did not do more than the things you did: however, this does not apply to breaking open wasp nests with a baseball bat. I know you all too well.
4. Question everyone and everything except for the love of God, and my love for you. Both will prove equally important.
5. Your family may be psychotic at the best of times, but madness and a tendency to bad backs runs in our blood like ink. Get used to it.
6. There is not nearly enough kindness in this world, but not so little that it’s hard to find it. Add to the kindness, not the cruelty.
7. Video games may or may not prove to rot brains and sully morals, but I do insist you let me beat the boss level before you do.
8. Three things are inevitable in this life: death, taxes and statistics.
9. That said, statistics are not lies, they are just very easy to mangle into lies for the sake of the person telling them.
10. Finally, and most importantly, so pay attention: I love you, there is nothing I will not do for you, and the world is yours as my gift. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I loved you so…”
2. Never trust a leader who says “I am (insert your country here)!”. History has taught us this. But when you do hear the up-and-coming tyrant’s rant, start your new life in exile, and wait for the revolution I have prepared you for.
3. You will regret the things you did not do more than the things you did: however, this does not apply to breaking open wasp nests with a baseball bat. I know you all too well.
4. Question everyone and everything except for the love of God, and my love for you. Both will prove equally important.
5. Your family may be psychotic at the best of times, but madness and a tendency to bad backs runs in our blood like ink. Get used to it.
6. There is not nearly enough kindness in this world, but not so little that it’s hard to find it. Add to the kindness, not the cruelty.
7. Video games may or may not prove to rot brains and sully morals, but I do insist you let me beat the boss level before you do.
8. Three things are inevitable in this life: death, taxes and statistics.
9. That said, statistics are not lies, they are just very easy to mangle into lies for the sake of the person telling them.
10. Finally, and most importantly, so pay attention: I love you, there is nothing I will not do for you, and the world is yours as my gift. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I loved you so…”
